she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
