we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
