I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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