Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
