you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
