If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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