You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
