forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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