Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
