His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize