I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
