Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
