So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
