Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
