so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
BRING THE BAGELS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
