she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
