My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
