I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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