haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
