Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
