Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
