He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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