oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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