I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
