he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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