I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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