why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
porn star boner night. come get it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
