we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
