no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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