hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
