I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
