he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
