If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are a genius and a whore.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
