his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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