I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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