I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
pray to the hookup gods
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
