oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
