Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
