i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
