Your face is a jimmy john
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
