Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
