Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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