just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
