i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
