he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
