Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
