So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
