u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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