"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
