And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
