An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
