everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
