Say something about gay babies.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
